Well this is it my Blog. Make yourself comfortable stranger, ‘cause that’s who you are, an unknown. A voyeur that peeks into peoples lives by reading their blogs, like the people that used to watch others through their windows. Well now they have the internet to peer into others lives. This is why I am not going to reveal any details about myself, in fear someone will put it all together and yell "Oi you!" at me in the street, and anything that begins with that can only go downhill from then on. It also allows me to be anonymous so I can say things like, you’re a cunt, which is true and accurate check wikipedia if you don’t believe me. Plus it stops any friends finding out, thus skipping the whole pointing and laughing, and the anal violation. What ? Don’t all your friends do that, man I need to hang out with new people. But the worse thing is that now people actually invite these creepy voyeurs in to watch them, "would you like to be my friend on myspace", no I bloody would not you lonely weird cunt.

I just checked the terms and conditions to make sure that there wasn’t anything about swearing. There isn’t, great! fuck shit bollocks cunts! Actually I know nothing of this Blog thing, I tried to stay away from it in a hip nonchalant way, but my need to confirm the publics idiocies were too great. I just checked out the top blogs, wow I can see your spoiled for choice here aren’t you, someone just took and bath and another went to the dump. I’m expecting a video soon of one of them squatting on the toilet taking us on a blow by blow of the event. I refer to ‘us’ as the internet community (although I have always imagined if the internet community did gather for a meeting it would look like a mass pit of sweaty old men and acne covered teenagers having a mass masturbation over cardboard cut-out women).

Anyway I was enticed by the blogs siren calls of being a wonderful hot bed of cultured souls freely writing without constraints, but now lured here I can faintly smell bad cat food and hear incessant murmuring of people muttering to themselves. Is it fair to mock Bloggers while I have just become one ? No, I’m a git now get over it or click on that bookmark of yours of some spotty Emo kid talking about the latest band and their depression (I use that word very loosely, as they deem a untied shoelace a reason to become miserable). You could justify it by saying I’m being post-modern and ironic by using the blog to mock it’s very self, but then you would be a twat, I’m being hypocritical. End of.

Now I’m here though I have no idea what this blog will be about, mainly due to my nature to go off on tangents, but they will be things aimed at cynics like me (Think Charlie Brooker / Dylan Moran, only less articulate and funny), trying to rise a smile that you know shouldn’t be on your face, like when a child falls off it’s chair or a kids’ balloon bursts in their face. I’m merely using this in the hopes more people will use it to write interesting little articles, and a secret hope that I’m actually a good writer (just read this through again, I’m not). Will this turn into a massive failure to be drowned out by a skinny girl talking about just you know, like, how wonderful pink is and stuff. Probably but I don’t care and you don’t know who I am, cunts.